Monday, February 06, 2006
Re: phone trauma
PRIOR POST PROFILE:
DATE: Mon, 06 Feb 2006 19:04:15 -0800
NEWSGROUP: alt.ucp
THREAD: Re: phone trauma
POSTER: Brahmamurti
REPLY TO: alt.ucp
NEW DISTRIBUTION:
BLOG: blogicalthought.blogspot.com
NEWSGROUPS: alt.ucp,alt.consciousness,alt.meditation,
alt.spiritual.enhancement,alt.religion.scientology,
alt.clearing.technology,alt.self-improve
========================================
On Mon, 06 Feb 2006 19:04:15 -0800,
Brahmamurti wrote:
> now
> today the phone rang. it was secret number so i couldn't see who it
> was. i was afraid that it might be my mothers x. he used to harrass
> me/us by phoning and then hanging up. police apparently won't do
> anything about... so we changed our numbers and got secret numbers.
> worried about giving the numbers away... what if he would get a hold on
> the numbers? i really couldn't care less for him..... except that he is
> a sicko. he must be really fucked up acting like that. the thing is i'd
> liked to confront him but he won't let me. so it leaves me in a
> position where i want to do something about it but can't. i am left
> with the police and they are passive about it. of course i could devote
> more time to it, track him up, i know where he works, that would be
> easy, and then kill him. he has terrorized many people, even gotten an
> x-alco back on alco. his kids hate him, and are embarassed to be around
> him. who wouldn't be.
SECRECY!
> might be
> tracked him down, killed him with my big knife, turned myself in.
>
> compare
> my life would be over or at least for some time. if i have trouble with
> my life now imagine what i would be like after a number of years in
> prison. in a way he would have won. killing him would be too easy. so
> much tells me that he deserves to die. God knows what else he is guilty
> of. he is pathetic. a robot. compulsively trying to hide all his mess
> and yet will go through much and create even more mess to hide that
> mess. it must be hell for him. very unhappy what else can he be? of
> course he is sadistic takes pleasure in others failures - maybe because
> he resonates through his own failures? is that why people find pleasure
> in others failures? because they can identify themselves with this.. i
> see that i was reluctant to write identify... for a moment i thought it
> was above death but it isn't of course identify is below death. a=b=c
> etc now: they only reason to kill him is to get peace - however in
> prison what is the chance of getting peace? isolation sure but no
> freedom. of course i know killing is not really an option. my lower
> nature would win then the animalistic side of me... the side that does
> because it seems good. what is bad might seem good and what is good
> might seem bad. internal struggle is good but feels bad. ucp is
> struggle for the good. doesn't seem to get anywhere with this.
> felt that before?
> remember having to write an article or something as home work. who
> likes home work? it feels bad but should be good. i didn't choose to go
> to school. they pressured us to do home work. the conditioning into
> slavedom. my back hurts even worse today. could barely put on my socks.
> gave up putting on shoes when i had to go to town. forgot the salt
> eventho it was one of the things i went there to get. back to home
> work. didn't like it. didn't want to do it. wouldn't one benefit more
> if one wants to get something out of it?? freedom? where is it? sure
> they teach that there is something you have to do but they forget to
> teach us how to be free. back to my mothers x. am not going to kill
> him. the programming that is thinking about him when a secret number
> shows up has been done by me. he helped of course - he was the outside
> cause but the inside cause was i.
SECRECY!
> might be
> i overcome thinking about him, it gets experience, something i learned
> from. when i pick up the phone i don't care who it is. i just pick it
> up.
Sounds like you are coming
up out of SECRECY.
> compare
> did i care about phones before. i sure did. didn't really want to be
> called. i couldn't control it and i hated it when people interfered
> with my life when i didn't expect them to. so he hit the bulls eye with
> that stunt. but part of life is that there are some stuff you can't
> control. it is what i need to accept to get on with life. i can't
> control every little bit of my life. Gosh!! that is the reason i don't
> do stuff i want to do. because i can't control it the way i want it
> too. maybe i can learned to control to a greater extent that it is
> comfortable for me but of course if i am not willing to let go and
> watch that game then how can i learn to play it? i do as i always do
> because i can pretend that i am controlling this. so a greater extend
> it is true that i control it but only to a degree that i am comfortable
> with.
Failure at Controlling Bodies
> it is almost like a universal law. like a battery. at minus we have
> abundance of electrons just waiting to plus where the is a lack of
> electrons. or you open a window in one end of the house and a door in
> the other side and it creates a draft because the pressure inside the
> house was small compare to the one outside. or something like that.
>
> it always tries to travel the shortest way or where there is the least
> resistance. so the things i am used to offer the least resistance
> because i know more about these than the other stuff that i would like
> to do and naturally it seems harder to do. well, it is harder because i
> have to learn new things, practice and do - maybe even error and trial
> some... very likely so. the things i already know i know i can do
> them... however they are boring. especially if i know the outcome. i
> try to game it up by making it harder with rules added to them... all
> this to stay content with what i am used to. i know i that am bored
> already and yet try to do something about it... the wrong way.
>
> felt that before?
> don't know - seems to be a new realization
WAY COOL!
> has been
> 6th/7th grade. had a crush on a girl. i would just stare at her from a
> distance. she noticed that i was staring. made fun of me or something
> like that. i wasn't sure what i wanted but i knew that i was in love
> with her for some reason. the other girls with her also made fun but i
> didn't care i just couldn't stop staring. when i by accident got very
> close to her i would not dare look at her. was very shy to. didn't know
> what to do about it. friends gave me suggestions but i was afraid to do
> ti because i didn't know what would happen. aha!
SECRECY?
> compare
> i wanted to control it. from a distance i felt that i could control it.
> if she would have walked over to me and would have hid myself or
> something. or if she would ask me to date her i would have rejected
> that i wanted it. in truth i didn't really know what i wanted from her.
> just that i digged her. now i feel nothing about her. she was just a
> crush at that time. have to intent to seek her up or the others i had a
> crush on.
>
> i see that i have a great need for security. i need to know exactly
> what happens... or rather did. how i feel about it now time will show.
> go ahead and phone me. what do i care? it might be him or it might not
> be him... very unlikely that it is him. why would he care about me now?
> well, he didnt' care about me then or else he wouldn't have done what
> he did. so he might call. be my guest. i have time at this time. it
> would allow me to look at it more closely... it would allow me to
> overcome it. right now i am pretending that i have overcome it but
> probably i haven't. if the phone would ring now it would probably be
> the firm. another thing ican't control. i put myself out there and must
> accept certain things about something like that job. i have to accept
> that they might call me and ask me to do things that i would rather not
> do. i am feeling tired it is getting late.
Coming out of Secrecy?
> might be
> i might have a locked job with the week scheduled. they wouldn't call
> because i have made it clear that i wont do extra unless i ask for it.
> in the free time i have other and more important things to do, work for
> the Misison, do ucp, work on the water car project, learning hebrew or
> whatever language.
>
> compare
> reserves have to put up with getting calls.... it is what reserves do.
> when there is an opening for a scheduled job you can apply for it...
> until then reserves is it. i got a back pain. future: i wouldn't - i
> work out. now: i don't work out - have been thinking about it tho.
> thinking it would be the thing to do - going vegetarian. better for
> body, mind and spirit. future . going to bed when it is needed - now:
> going to bed when i can't keep myself up anymore. now thinking that my
> mothers x knows what he has caused. he likes the attention it gives him
> something - glee? criminal glee? sadism. but also masochism because he
> knows that it is compulsive... he can't help it but it gives him
> something that he thinks he needs. of course he is way below sadism but
> as you know sadism is also present at lower levels than sadism. it is
> only until you get above it that you leave it.
>
> thinking...
>
> looking at it. do i feel compassion for him? he can't help it . it
> must be hell. I feel sorry for him. but i also see that this will have
> to be something to look at more in future sessions. it will help me
> grow.
>
> wow just realized this is about controlling bodies - and needing
> bodies. will have a look at the chart...
Way Cool!
> was thinking about that i wanted to control things or not do them. this
> aligns well with the effort band. needing bodies - don't know about
> this. reminds me of when i didn't want to attend somethinng on my own.
> wanted somebody at my side... i was with somebody and so felt more
> save. when i didn't have somebody - didn't want to go. no reason.
> couldn't find them so no go.
>
> have to sleep. take care - Sal-OM
Your last couple of posts seem
much different to me. They have
more authentic GRIT to them. I
think that reflects coming OUT
of Hallucination. Your horror
is suddenly hextremely real!
Looks like you are coming
out of Secrecy and into
Controlling Bodies!
THANKS FOR PLAYING!
THANKS FOR POSTING!
O
--- )
\
KONCHOK PENDAY
KP@net-prophet.net = email
http://net-prophet.net/ = website
alt.ucp = the ucp usenet newsgroup
blogicalthought.blogspot.com = blog
INTEGRATOR: Universal Conscious Plot:
http://net-prophet.net/ucp/nuchart15.htm
FORMULATOR: Universal Conscious Practice:
http://net-prophet.net/ucp/ = UCP HOME PAGE
INVENTORevolutionary Architecture System:
SUBS = Simple Universal Building System:
http://net-prophet.net/subs/
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
N-L!GHTENMENT! . . . R!GHT! . . . *NOW!*
*TOTALLY FREE!* @ http://net-prophet.net/ucp/
Unmoderated public usenet newsgroup = alt.ucp
*DO* THE UN!VERSAL CONSC!OUS PRACT!CE!
*COMPARE* PAST AND FUTURE TO P'R'E'SENT!
UCP !S THE *CRUX* OF RAT!ONAL THOUGHT!
THE UCPLOT !S THE ROSETTA STONED
OF UNDERSTANDING CONSC!OUSNESS!
alt.ucp = THE UN!VERS!TY OF CONSC!OUSNESS!
YOU CAN RA!SE YOUR OWN AWARENESS NOW!
ACCELERATE YOUR OWN SP!R!TUAL EVELUTION!
USE THE FREE V!RTUAL W!TNESS ONL!NE NOW!
ONE S!ZE F!TS ALL SELF TAUGHT GOD LESSON!
!NQU!RE W!TH!N, ABOUT BECOMING YOURS'ELF!
P!NNACLE PATHS P!TCH PERFECT PER!METERS!
THE PR!ZE PATH !S A PATTERN: *UCP!*
ENHANCING GLOBAL N-L!GHTENMENT
BY BUILDING BETTER BODH!SATTVAS
S!NCE THE SECOND M!LLENN!UM
ONE BODH!SATTVA AT A T!ME!
*DO* UCP TO KNOW!
alt.ucp posting history online at google.com . . .
http://www.google.com/groups?safe=off&ie=ISO-8859-
1&as_ugroup=alt.ucp&lr=&num=100&hl=en
LET'S ALL GO SANE RIGHT NOW!
TO $*ELF FUN*D KP'S MAD GAME:
$END $ TO KP@net-prophet.net
VIA paypal.com . . . and DO UCP!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
DATE: Mon, 06 Feb 2006 19:04:15 -0800
NEWSGROUP: alt.ucp
THREAD: Re: phone trauma
POSTER: Brahmamurti
REPLY TO: alt.ucp
NEW DISTRIBUTION:
BLOG: blogicalthought.blogspot.com
NEWSGROUPS: alt.ucp,alt.consciousness,alt.meditation,
alt.spiritual.enhancement,alt.religion.scientology,
alt.clearing.technology,alt.self-improve
========================================
On Mon, 06 Feb 2006 19:04:15 -0800,
Brahmamurti
> now
> today the phone rang. it was secret number so i couldn't see who it
> was. i was afraid that it might be my mothers x. he used to harrass
> me/us by phoning and then hanging up. police apparently won't do
> anything about... so we changed our numbers and got secret numbers.
> worried about giving the numbers away... what if he would get a hold on
> the numbers? i really couldn't care less for him..... except that he is
> a sicko. he must be really fucked up acting like that. the thing is i'd
> liked to confront him but he won't let me. so it leaves me in a
> position where i want to do something about it but can't. i am left
> with the police and they are passive about it. of course i could devote
> more time to it, track him up, i know where he works, that would be
> easy, and then kill him. he has terrorized many people, even gotten an
> x-alco back on alco. his kids hate him, and are embarassed to be around
> him. who wouldn't be.
SECRECY!
> might be
> tracked him down, killed him with my big knife, turned myself in.
>
> compare
> my life would be over or at least for some time. if i have trouble with
> my life now imagine what i would be like after a number of years in
> prison. in a way he would have won. killing him would be too easy. so
> much tells me that he deserves to die. God knows what else he is guilty
> of. he is pathetic. a robot. compulsively trying to hide all his mess
> and yet will go through much and create even more mess to hide that
> mess. it must be hell for him. very unhappy what else can he be? of
> course he is sadistic takes pleasure in others failures - maybe because
> he resonates through his own failures? is that why people find pleasure
> in others failures? because they can identify themselves with this.. i
> see that i was reluctant to write identify... for a moment i thought it
> was above death but it isn't of course identify is below death. a=b=c
> etc now: they only reason to kill him is to get peace - however in
> prison what is the chance of getting peace? isolation sure but no
> freedom. of course i know killing is not really an option. my lower
> nature would win then the animalistic side of me... the side that does
> because it seems good. what is bad might seem good and what is good
> might seem bad. internal struggle is good but feels bad. ucp is
> struggle for the good. doesn't seem to get anywhere with this.
> felt that before?
> remember having to write an article or something as home work. who
> likes home work? it feels bad but should be good. i didn't choose to go
> to school. they pressured us to do home work. the conditioning into
> slavedom. my back hurts even worse today. could barely put on my socks.
> gave up putting on shoes when i had to go to town. forgot the salt
> eventho it was one of the things i went there to get. back to home
> work. didn't like it. didn't want to do it. wouldn't one benefit more
> if one wants to get something out of it?? freedom? where is it? sure
> they teach that there is something you have to do but they forget to
> teach us how to be free. back to my mothers x. am not going to kill
> him. the programming that is thinking about him when a secret number
> shows up has been done by me. he helped of course - he was the outside
> cause but the inside cause was i.
SECRECY!
> might be
> i overcome thinking about him, it gets experience, something i learned
> from. when i pick up the phone i don't care who it is. i just pick it
> up.
Sounds like you are coming
up out of SECRECY.
> compare
> did i care about phones before. i sure did. didn't really want to be
> called. i couldn't control it and i hated it when people interfered
> with my life when i didn't expect them to. so he hit the bulls eye with
> that stunt. but part of life is that there are some stuff you can't
> control. it is what i need to accept to get on with life. i can't
> control every little bit of my life. Gosh!! that is the reason i don't
> do stuff i want to do. because i can't control it the way i want it
> too. maybe i can learned to control to a greater extent that it is
> comfortable for me but of course if i am not willing to let go and
> watch that game then how can i learn to play it? i do as i always do
> because i can pretend that i am controlling this. so a greater extend
> it is true that i control it but only to a degree that i am comfortable
> with.
Failure at Controlling Bodies
> it is almost like a universal law. like a battery. at minus we have
> abundance of electrons just waiting to plus where the is a lack of
> electrons. or you open a window in one end of the house and a door in
> the other side and it creates a draft because the pressure inside the
> house was small compare to the one outside. or something like that.
>
> it always tries to travel the shortest way or where there is the least
> resistance. so the things i am used to offer the least resistance
> because i know more about these than the other stuff that i would like
> to do and naturally it seems harder to do. well, it is harder because i
> have to learn new things, practice and do - maybe even error and trial
> some... very likely so. the things i already know i know i can do
> them... however they are boring. especially if i know the outcome. i
> try to game it up by making it harder with rules added to them... all
> this to stay content with what i am used to. i know i that am bored
> already and yet try to do something about it... the wrong way.
>
> felt that before?
> don't know - seems to be a new realization
WAY COOL!
> has been
> 6th/7th grade. had a crush on a girl. i would just stare at her from a
> distance. she noticed that i was staring. made fun of me or something
> like that. i wasn't sure what i wanted but i knew that i was in love
> with her for some reason. the other girls with her also made fun but i
> didn't care i just couldn't stop staring. when i by accident got very
> close to her i would not dare look at her. was very shy to. didn't know
> what to do about it. friends gave me suggestions but i was afraid to do
> ti because i didn't know what would happen. aha!
SECRECY?
> compare
> i wanted to control it. from a distance i felt that i could control it.
> if she would have walked over to me and would have hid myself or
> something. or if she would ask me to date her i would have rejected
> that i wanted it. in truth i didn't really know what i wanted from her.
> just that i digged her. now i feel nothing about her. she was just a
> crush at that time. have to intent to seek her up or the others i had a
> crush on.
>
> i see that i have a great need for security. i need to know exactly
> what happens... or rather did. how i feel about it now time will show.
> go ahead and phone me. what do i care? it might be him or it might not
> be him... very unlikely that it is him. why would he care about me now?
> well, he didnt' care about me then or else he wouldn't have done what
> he did. so he might call. be my guest. i have time at this time. it
> would allow me to look at it more closely... it would allow me to
> overcome it. right now i am pretending that i have overcome it but
> probably i haven't. if the phone would ring now it would probably be
> the firm. another thing ican't control. i put myself out there and must
> accept certain things about something like that job. i have to accept
> that they might call me and ask me to do things that i would rather not
> do. i am feeling tired it is getting late.
Coming out of Secrecy?
> might be
> i might have a locked job with the week scheduled. they wouldn't call
> because i have made it clear that i wont do extra unless i ask for it.
> in the free time i have other and more important things to do, work for
> the Misison, do ucp, work on the water car project, learning hebrew or
> whatever language.
>
> compare
> reserves have to put up with getting calls.... it is what reserves do.
> when there is an opening for a scheduled job you can apply for it...
> until then reserves is it. i got a back pain. future: i wouldn't - i
> work out. now: i don't work out - have been thinking about it tho.
> thinking it would be the thing to do - going vegetarian. better for
> body, mind and spirit. future . going to bed when it is needed - now:
> going to bed when i can't keep myself up anymore. now thinking that my
> mothers x knows what he has caused. he likes the attention it gives him
> something - glee? criminal glee? sadism. but also masochism because he
> knows that it is compulsive... he can't help it but it gives him
> something that he thinks he needs. of course he is way below sadism but
> as you know sadism is also present at lower levels than sadism. it is
> only until you get above it that you leave it.
>
> thinking...
>
> looking at it. do i feel compassion for him? he can't help it . it
> must be hell. I feel sorry for him. but i also see that this will have
> to be something to look at more in future sessions. it will help me
> grow.
>
> wow just realized this is about controlling bodies - and needing
> bodies. will have a look at the chart...
Way Cool!
> was thinking about that i wanted to control things or not do them. this
> aligns well with the effort band. needing bodies - don't know about
> this. reminds me of when i didn't want to attend somethinng on my own.
> wanted somebody at my side... i was with somebody and so felt more
> save. when i didn't have somebody - didn't want to go. no reason.
> couldn't find them so no go.
>
> have to sleep. take care - Sal-OM
Your last couple of posts seem
much different to me. They have
more authentic GRIT to them. I
think that reflects coming OUT
of Hallucination. Your horror
is suddenly hextremely real!
Looks like you are coming
out of Secrecy and into
Controlling Bodies!
THANKS FOR PLAYING!
THANKS FOR POSTING!
O
--- )
\
KONCHOK PENDAY
KP@net-prophet.net = email
http://net-prophet.net/ = website
alt.ucp = the ucp usenet newsgroup
blogicalthought.blogspot.com = blog
INTEGRATOR: Universal Conscious Plot:
http://net-prophet.net/ucp/nuchart15.htm
FORMULATOR: Universal Conscious Practice:
http://net-prophet.net/ucp/ = UCP HOME PAGE
INVENTORevolutionary Architecture System:
SUBS = Simple Universal Building System:
http://net-prophet.net/subs/
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
N-L!GHTENMENT! . . . R!GHT! . . . *NOW!*
*TOTALLY FREE!* @ http://net-prophet.net/ucp/
Unmoderated public usenet newsgroup = alt.ucp
*DO* THE UN!VERSAL CONSC!OUS PRACT!CE!
*COMPARE* PAST AND FUTURE TO P'R'E'SENT!
UCP !S THE *CRUX* OF RAT!ONAL THOUGHT!
THE UCPLOT !S THE ROSETTA STONED
OF UNDERSTANDING CONSC!OUSNESS!
alt.ucp = THE UN!VERS!TY OF CONSC!OUSNESS!
YOU CAN RA!SE YOUR OWN AWARENESS NOW!
ACCELERATE YOUR OWN SP!R!TUAL EVELUTION!
USE THE FREE V!RTUAL W!TNESS ONL!NE NOW!
ONE S!ZE F!TS ALL SELF TAUGHT GOD LESSON!
!NQU!RE W!TH!N, ABOUT BECOMING YOURS'ELF!
P!NNACLE PATHS P!TCH PERFECT PER!METERS!
THE PR!ZE PATH !S A PATTERN: *UCP!*
ENHANCING GLOBAL N-L!GHTENMENT
BY BUILDING BETTER BODH!SATTVAS
S!NCE THE SECOND M!LLENN!UM
ONE BODH!SATTVA AT A T!ME!
*DO* UCP TO KNOW!
alt.ucp posting history online at google.com . . .
http://www.google.com/groups?safe=off&ie=ISO-8859-
1&as_ugroup=alt.ucp&lr=&num=100&hl=en
LET'S ALL GO SANE RIGHT NOW!
TO $*ELF FUN*D KP'S MAD GAME:
$END $ TO KP@net-prophet.net
VIA paypal.com . . . and DO UCP!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
